-Home is where the love is-

As my time here in Africa comes to an end all I can think about is going “home”. Often, after thinking about home I realize that I don’t actually have a “home” to go back to. Then I realize if home was a building or a house this would be true. One thing out, out of many, I have learned is that home is truly where you heart is.

The Word tells us, “Where your treasure is you heart will be there also” or something like that (Matthew 6:21).

 Being here away from the people I love has made me realize that my treasure is in those who have showed me love, even when I didn’t deserve. It hasn’t always been the “cuddle on the couch” love sometimes it has been love express through tears and hard words. But all along it has been love.

What I'm leaving :( <3

Then I realize that my treasure is also in the people I have come to love unconditionally. The kids I am hugging one minute and beating with a cane the next; the little boy who draws me a picture during the day, and pouts at night when he goes home; pastors, teachers, preachers that God has allowed me to meet and come to love.

So when I think about home I think about love. So where is home?

Is it here in the middle of West Africa? A place where there is never a guarantee of running water, power, or even a toilet. This place where no matter where I am I can always find a kid to show the love of Christ. This amazing little country with the most amazing people and the bumpiest red dirt roads I have ever witnessed. Is this my home?

Or

What I'm going home to :)

Is it in good ole Anderson County? The place where I was born and raised, a place where everybody knows and loves me even with all of my flaws. A place where I can curl up on a couch, watch tv, and never have to worry about giant bugs eating me. A tiny amazing place that barely shows up on a map but has the people I love most in the entire world and the best sweet tea I have ever drank. Is Anderson my home?

I find myself torn. Only 18 days until I leave the people I love to reunite with the people I love. When I got on the plane 4 ½ months ago I never knew it would be possible to love another place like I love Anderson.

I guess I have 2 homes now. Two places that no matter where I am in the world I will always yearn to be closer to the people who have taught me love.

In Ephesians it tell us, “And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ.”

Funny he has made it known, but it is still a mystery.

Living in the mystery is the hardest part for me, knowing God has a plan but not knowing what it is.

Being content, and knowing that no matter the situation he works all things out for good.

It is time for me to prepare to enter a new season in my life.

I am returning to the USA on August 9^th, 2012. I am very sure leaving my amazing Ghanaian friends will be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

As I travel back to America I have no idea what I am traveling back to. I don’t know where God wants me to be, but I am praying for him to reveal the “mysteries of his will” to me.  Two of my biggest prayer requests are housing and transportation (I sold my car before coming to the field) where ever he wants me.

Trusting His Word. Believing His promises. Waiting on His voice.

No greater love than this

Me and Joyce.

No greater love than this.

Last Friday we went to a Field Day that we helped put together in Homabenese, the village we visit often. It was an amazing day. We played soccer, taught a bible lesson, and even fed about 200 kids, but God had something in store for me I could never have planned for.

Two little girls attached themselves to me and I held them all day. One of the little girls’ names was Joyce and she was about 3 years old. She was absolutely beautiful and had cream on her face for a rash. She instantly melted my heart, and by 3 o’clock she was fast asleep in my arms.

The other little girl is about 2 years and didn’t speak enough English to tell me her name. She however was the opposite of quiet and shy Joyce. Every time I turned around she was taking someone’s shoe and laughing, or rolling in the grass entertaining herself. Her smile is so precious and when you hear her laugh you can’t help but laugh with her. When I got in the car to leave at the end of the day she had a tantrum and big tears rolling down her face as I slowly disappeared down the bumpy dirt road.

She was not simling.

I am forever changed by the 2 amazing people I got to have in my life, if only for a couple of hours. I witnessed joy that is in no way defined by materials and unconditional love and trust from such an untainted soul.

“At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me. There’s no greater love than this.”

The cost of obedience

This is from my journal on 6.11.12. It's not something I would normally share, but I feel it is so important for us to realize that just because it doesn't feel good, doesn't mean it isn't God. I have learned the things that my flesh hate are usually what is best for my spirit. I hope you enjoy.

There are times, like today, when my flesh needs a reminder of why I am here. When I say here it is relative to where ever the will of God has me at that point; today here just happens to be Ghana. At time I even find myself becoming jealous of those who haven’t learned obedience as God is teaching me. In the middle of this process, I start writing. Yep nothing fancy, not even a burning bush, just me getting my feeling out of this brain and on to a screen. And when I start writing God beings to flood me with all the wonderful things that have come from my obedience, and then I have to repent for being jealous of mediocrity.

See, what is all boils down to is this, “What am I willing to give up to live in his will?”

Sounds easy enough. Let me just say, “God I will give it all up.” So I can be “that” missionary who “wasted” her life for the Gospel. But to be completely honest it’s never really come easy and I’m so over giving stuff up. Whoa… Sorry I got a little real there.  But since I’m being honest let’s say that I’m tired of missing my family and I’m so done seeing people’s lives go on without me.

So, now what? How do I answer this question, “What am I willing to give up?”

Through the tears, pain, and sleepless nights my answer never waivers. I cry out, “Father, I am willing to give it all up.” My pain doesn’t change the honesty of this answer, if anything it enforces it.

 And just like my answer never waivers, neither does the call. No matter the amount of pain or tears I am called to be obedient, especially when it’s hard. I am called to be His beloved, no matter the cost.

-A love I never want to live without -

Today marks 11 weeks, this makes me happy. It only took 11 weeks to fall in love with a country. About 3 weeks ago I was counting down; I was ready to go “home”. God was changing my heart. The fact that in about 2 months I will be on a plane back to America breaks my heart.

It is hard to imagine life the way I use to live it, without all my babies. Life without the smiles I see every day, from kids who have no reason to smile.

Being silly. Enjoying the night

I will be going back to people I love, but leaving the people I am put on this earth to love. To say they need me maybe true, but I need them, their smiles and kisses, so much more.

The things that I missed so much when I got here, food and materials, don’t matter so much anymore.

I have become completely dependent on my Creator. He knows what I need and supplies my needs according to His riches. I am afraid of going back to my “normal” life. I am scared of never feeling as close to God again as I have felt in the past 11 weeks. I am terrified of becoming dependent on flesh again.

No shoes means it's time for fun- or to catch worms lol

I am afraid of falling out of love, back into complacency. I never want to forget the smiles that form on the faces of kids when you tell them you love them. Seeing the tiny flip flops outside our house and knowing I’m going to get a giant hug as soon as I walk in. These things make life so worth it.

I am forever changed, and this is only the beginning. 

It took 11 weeks to fall into a love I never want to fall out of<3