Hurting...It's okay

I often hide my feelings especially when I’m feeling down.

Today God reminded me that in order to heal I need to feel. Keeping my emotions bottled up inside just because I don’t feel like I have the right to hurt is ridiculous.

It can be a major problem like finding out my mom may have cancer, or a minor problem like someone forgetting to say ‘thank you’ when I went out of my way to appease them. All wounds are different and take different amounts of time to heal on different people.

I’m usually the first to tell someone to suck it up. I now realize it’s because I believe I always have to suck it up. It becomes exhausting.

So today God told me to cry if I needed to and not to care what the rest of the world thinks. And I did. I cried over my past and I cried because sometimes my future seems so unsure, but I mostly cried because my heart just hurt.

I’ve been through worse storms and I’ve felt worse pain. The difference is to our Heavenly Father all of our pain is significant, it all matters.  So weather it’s the fact that you feel unappreciated or the major life change you are going through…It is important.

And it’s okay for you to hurt.

Because at our weakest and most fragile He is the strongest.

One more thing I’ve learn about hurt is I tend to open myself my fully to my precious Father when I need Him to heal the things that only he can. 

God works in our mess, in our brokenness, and He works in our HURT!

We All Have those "Some days"

Some days I absolutely hate that I’m single. There are times when I don’t want to go home because I feel lonely.  There are times when emptiness overtakes every part of who I am. In those moments that only come “some days” being single sucks.

But then I remember that my “some days” are not “every days” and praise God most days I feel loved and know I’m surrounded by people who care about me. 

Today I needed this reminder.  That no matter who you are or what you do at least every day isn’t a bad day.  If you’re a dad who works too much…Saturday is coming!!! If you’re a stay at home mom overwhelmed by kids…plan that girls night you’ve needed for so long!  If you’re a single girl who loves kids and have none of your own…hug the ones that you are blessed enough to have in your life!

My point is we all have bad days, bad weeks, and even bad months. Praise God that we are more than our right now. I am so grateful that years ago God called me by name and in that moment I knew I would never define my own life again.

If I were to define my own life right now it would go as follows: Single. Nanny. Student. Tired. Overwhelmed.

Thank God He defines my life as follows: Daughter of the most High. Chosen. Forgiven. Loved. Missionary. Kid lover.

The list of how my Father sees me could go on and on, because he sees in His image not the image of the world that I have allow to label me.

How do you see yourself in your right now or on your “some days” ? 

Now, how does your Heavenly Father see you….ahhh that’s better.

At Your Worst. At Your Best. He is faithful.

Today I was reminded in my worst moment God is still faithful.

Yep, that’s right! His faithfulness is not dependent on me. If I am faithful or faithless, angry or content His promises still stand. 

What seems blurry to us, is clear to Him!

As his children when we fail, drift, or give become rebellious He doesn’t neglect His love for us. No matter how far we go He waits for us to come running back to Him. I needed this reminder today. Not because I have slipped back into sin or that I have renounced the name of Jesus, but because sometimes I just need to be reminded that I have a Savior in my corner that never gives up on me.

You have a Savior in your corner that never gives up on you!

We all go through season of life that people don’t understand, the painful seasons where God is growing us and we must hurt to learn and make mistakes to grow.  We have seasons when we lose and let go of people we love to gain the people God has intended for our path.

In these hard seasons He is faithful.  When the tears fall, He is faithful.  When the only thing you can do is get on your face, He is still faithful. When you don’t understand why, He is still faithful.  No matter your season of life, He is still faithful.

If you are in the best season of your life or the worst moments don’t forget His faithfulness.

Perhaps Things are a bit Blurry

Today I found myself in a very familiar place. I found myself in a storm. Not the one of the long drawn out storms that last for hours or even days; just a quick summer storm that last for 20 minutes then the sun pops out. But it was a storm none the less. In this quick storm I felt all the pain that is familiar from previous storms, but I knew the difference and I immediately found myself praying. Let me just say that I'm normally not that super spiritual person who just automatically starts praying, but I knew that I needed to get my emotions in check.

I began to pray about the situation that was causing so much conflict in me and my spirit was quickened. I heard the Lord ask, “Do you remember the call?” Ahhh there it is, the call.  On this Journey I have often considered walking away from God and living in the way of the world, but then he would whisper, “Beloved, remember the call.” Sometimes it’s a question and other times it’s just a reminder to shift my gaze.  At times we all need a gaze shift. I recently got glasses and when I put them on everything just seemed so much clearer. The funny thing about it is I didn’t realize I had been seeing everything blurry. Sometimes we as followers and lovers of Jesus Christ need to go to the throne and get a pair of spiritual glasses, the kind that can only come from the one with the clearest perspective and maybe you’re like me and don’t realize that you have been seeing things blurry.  I don’t know about you, but every so often I realize I’m not seeing things with a Christian perspective because I have let so much of the world’s voice into my life.  Maybe this is what God was talking about when he said be set apart. I don’t believe I’m not supposed to socialize with non-Christians, because thankfully a Christian invited me to a social event which led to my salvation!  However, I do know that the world should not have a voice in my life.  I should not be influenced or swayed by the temporary things on earth.

That quick 20 minute storm was just God’s way of shifting my gaze. I am thankful that this particular time I caught what he was doing in me, because I know I’ve missed it so many times before.   

Apply Pressure

How am I suppose to heal?

 Lately, this question has been in the back of my mind.

Do you ever feel like as you are walking into a new season of life you can still feel the wounds from the last season? If you’re like me, you can still feel them from a couple of seasons.  Weather the season was bad or good I have always left with wounds, some more direct than others.  It’s usually not until I revisit that area of my life that I notice…I’m still bleeding.

I am currently walking into a new season of life, one that I have prayed for and waited on, only to get here and realize… I’m still bleeding.  Another thing I have realized is it doesn’t make this season any less exciting or worthwhile, God has brought me here and now I am to fight for this. That’s biblical right? No one was ever given a victory without a fight. So I’m willing to fight and I’m will to work, because this is what I’ve prayed and hoped to be given.  That doesn’t change the fact that…

I need to heal. I’m still bleeding. So I find myself at random moments throughout the day falling at the cross and seeking my God, because I know that’s where healing happens.

In my short 4 year journey as a Christian God has healed me from many things. I have watched Him take the girl I use to be and turn her into a testimony. So why didn’t he touch this wound? Why are some areas of my life still bleeding?

I keep hearing that I serve a God who requires obedience.  He loves me and wants me to walk in healing, but sometimes he needs me to learn some things…so he takes me through some things. I won’t ever know that I should apply pressure to stop myself from bleeding, if I don’t ever bleed.  When you apply pressure to stop the bleeding it hurts at first, but eventually the bleeding stops and you know you will be okay. The bleeding has to stop before you can apply the Neosporin to help it heal.

Maybe that’s what this new season is…pressure to a wound that needs to stop bleeding.  I believe that soon I’ll stop bleeding and at the cross I will find my ‘Neosporin’. It may be just time with God, it may be a person, or even a new form of worship.

Maybe this is how I heal. Apply pressure.