Here am I. Send me!

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me." Isaiah 6:8

Almost 2 years ago when I accepted the call God placed on my life, I had no idea what that entailed. I had no idea that moving away from everything I ever found comfortable would be so hard. I didn’t know that even being only 2 hours away I would miss my friends and family so much. See I didn’t know that I would have to wait on the Lord for 3 months before he provided a job and then wait for him to provide a stable living situation. The only thing I knew was that I was doing what he told me, when he told me to do it. 

A constant reminder of the amazing people I have in my life.

When I said “Yes” one Sunday night in Honea Path, SC, I didn’t know exactly what that yes meant. I did know God had a call on my life to go to the nations, I have known this even before I knew him. I believe when we are born God places a purpose inside of us, as we change and grow that purpose matures and becomes clear. Even when we are not serving God we know that we are called to do something, I knew I was called to Africa by freshman year of high school. God has spent every moment of my life since I realized my calling maturing me.

Now back to what I said earlier God knew I would be sitting here in Ghana at 11pm writing this. He also knew that I needed to gradually be pulled away from the people I love the most; he gave me almost 2 years. 

Now being in Ghana, there is a grace on my life I have only experienced one other time…when I came to be his child. I’m not implying that because I am called living 5000 miles away from everything you know is easy, because it’s not. Some days I feel like I could stay here forever and other days I am counting down the seconds until I step back into America. There are times when I hate everything African and other times I have no idea how I functioned before I came here.

Here’s the thing, the feelings of my flesh are real; but they don’t change the call God has placed on my life. Every day I’m here God is squeezing me. Soon enough I’ll be squashed :)

Soften up this Harden Clay

So, Thursday marks 2 months that I have been here in Ghana. Thursday also marks the day I hated Ghana the most (so far)…let me explain.

On Thursday I experienced culture shock; it was something I was warned about and that I read about, but had not experienced it. Culture shock doesn’t come from one event in particular but usually a bunch of small things. It’s the point where your body can no longer take the non-western thinking around you. I wasn’t homesick.  I was frustrated with everything African.

I hated the way I felt. I am a missionary, I’m supposed to be saving the lost and I don’t even want to talk to them. No matter how much people told me it was normal to feel this way I didn’t feel normal.

"A reflection of You I long to be"

Here’s the thing. No matter how much I hated everything African on Thursday, that didn’t change the call God has on my life. No matter how bad I wanted to go home, it didn’t change the fact that I still have work to do here. Being a missionary doesn’t mean you always love everything you are surrounded by, it sometimes means wanting to lock yourself in a room and never speak to another local.

About 3 years back I heard someone say to a future solider, “The point of basic training is to break you, so even though you go in a civilian you come out a solider”. Today God reminded me of this. He is breaking me and molding me into exactly what he wants me to be. It doesn’t always feel good. Being a missionary is not all feel good moments, but I will come out of this a different person than when I came in.

So as you pray for me and other missionaries pray that strength abounds. Pray that we understand no matter what our emotions say the call God has on our lives stands strong. Remember to encourage missionaries you know, being on the field away from everything familiar is hard, it’s nice to know you have people at home rooting for you. I love you guys.

You are enough!!

So last night as I started my nightly devotion I could hear God’s voice so clear that it was hard to concentrate on reading my bible.

That’s right I admit it, sometimes I don’t want to deal with my junk so I try to block God out with His word. It never works but I’m pretty stubborn so I continue to try.

I felt him whispering “you are enough”. Now from previous encounters I have had with Him I knew this probably meant God wanted to do something in me.

Now I don’t know about you but sometimes when God is working on the inner women it just doesn’t feel good.  I knew that once this process started I was going to have to let him work it out in me.

So finally after about 20 minutes of not being able to concentrate I said, “Okay, I’m enough. Thank you for reminding me.” (Yep God knows the real Tesia and sometimes she has a smart mouth).

Now that he had my attention he began to take over my thought and emotions. He brought to me times that I have felt inadequate and He begin to heal those memories.

So by the time I was ready for bed he was practically screaming at me “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. At this I began to sob.

See for about 2 years now I have been carrying around the pain of being inadequate in comparison to other Christians. Last night God knew it was time for me to know that as his daughter I am enough. Nothing more defines who I am. My title is Child of God.

So I now say to you, you are enough!! God loves you just the way you are, even with your flaws. He has cast away you past and you are no longer defined by the mistakes you made.

Now it’s your turn. Instead of making someone feel inadequate let them know that “They are enough” just the way they are.

Glory to Glory

7 weeks. Yep that is 1 month and 3 weeks or 49 days. Not that long.

Every week I am here I am grow closer to my Savior. Every day he teaches me something new about who he is.

I can say he has taught me that he has a sense of humor. Not every minute of every day is ministry and downtown can be filled with any number of things from diarrhea to random Ghanians watching you do absolutely nothing. Or there is losing the pencil sharpener and ending up with a 10 ft pole in your room to get it from under the bed. Yep, every day is different  

Let's get that sharpener!!

I have learned that God is so concerned with the little things that matter to us, no matter how small. He cares that I only like to use one kind of toothpaste and that I would never want to live without cheese. Yes, even after living in Africa for 7 weeks I still care about those things too.

They don’t matter as much as they once did. He has taught me since being here that the things that I once thought to be small should be the big things. More than anything he is always the main thing.

This past week I have been helping teach nursery kids (2-5 years) at Mother Smith School. I have been completely blessed by the things I have learned and the simplicity of their life.

More than anything these children at such a young age value education and God. It’s amazing.

Being there this week I have learned that nothing is more important to Ghanaians than family.  Before the elder child goes to school they will drop off their younger sibling (on feet of course) and then go to their school which can sometimes be miles away. But they never seem angry or rushed by having to do this they are always joyful and before they leave they are sure everything is in order with their brother or sister.

Me with the kids at school

Here at the age of 2 kids learn the Lord’s Prayer and say it in school every morning. They also have a time of worship which starts even before they greet their teachers.

The teacher of this class, Joyce, is an amazing woman. She teaches about 20 kids (2-5 years) every day pretty much alone and you can tell she loves it.

It has been an amazing week to say the least. To be able to just be a part of the everyday life here is a blessing.

I as the days pass I feel more and more at home. I can ride down the streets here and know I am in place, sometimes I even forget I’m in Africa. Home is where the heart is right; I’ve never felt so at home. 

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I can honestly say that I now truly understand 2 Corinthians 3:18. Living in his glory and being transformed from one glory to another.  

Not easy...worth it.

Today marks 6 weeks. That’s one month and 2 weeks that I have been gone.

Every day is getting easier. Every day is getting harder.

It’s easier because this is slowly becoming my home. The people I see every day are becoming my friends and family. I am building a life on faith here in Ghana.

It’s harder because every day I’m here I am away from my family that much longer. Every day I have been a little longer without my favorite food or TV show.
God takes time to remind who I am today. And to be frank nowhere in who I am does he ever list wimp. I didn’t come to Africa for an easy life. I came to see lives changed.

“No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.”

Through the hard times and the easy I will remember who he has created me to be. And with all things aside I am strong because “I am my Father’s daughter.”

To see these children change the world!

Through the power outages and no water, I will remember my purpose. Through have 30 mosquito bites at once, I will remember the call upon my life. Through missing my friends and family and everything that is happening at home, I will remember that great works are being done here also.

To be real, no matter how much you love a place at some point it’s gonna suck (and Ghana is no exception to that rule).

So I have 4 months and 2 weeks left here in Ghana. Time is flying by and I’m sure I’ll wake up one day soon and wonder where it went. I am here on a journey to let these people know that they have hope. To show them there is a God in heaven who loves them more than anything. I am here to bring them the hope that was brought tom me in Pendleton High School almost 4 years ago. I am here to bring them Jesus.

My desire is nothing more than to see heaven open up on earth.