Now that I'm home...

It has been too long since I have blogged, who knew my time could be so filled.

Me and the kiddies in London. After our first hot showers in months

In this blog I would like to be able to sum up what has been going on with me since I arrived in the States a little over 2 weeks ago, but to be honest I have no clue where to start. So let me start with the first word that comes to mind.

Blessed.

Yep that one word could definitely sum up these past 2 weeks. I had an amazing time in Anderson just being with my family and friends, and just allowing their amazing spirits to refresh me. Now I am back in Fort Mill, SC with my WOC family and attempting to get back into everyday life.  God has provided and worked out so many things that seemed so impossible.

He provided me with a car and even worked out every little detail down to how to pay for the car insurance. I wake up every morning and take a hot shower and eat. Amazingly I go to church and understand the entire service and I am fed by the message.

With all of that being said I absolutely miss Ghana and I am definitely still adjusting to American living again. I never expected so many emotions or be effected by the changes of being back in America. I miss the children and the friends I made terribly and sometimes daily life here is much harder than I remember, but just as God gave me grace to adjust to the culture there he is also offering me grace here.

I start back to work soon and I am excited and nervous about getting back into a routine of life.

I am requesting prayer that God would provide a home for The Roscoe family and I, because Lord knows we are ready to have a place to call our home again. I would also ask you to pray for us as we continue to adjust physically and emotionally.

I am constantly amazed at the Love the body of Christ has shown me since returning. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers throughout my journey. I am very confident in saying this is only the beginning of what God has planned for my life and I can’t wait to share more with you.

Tearful Goodbyes

The way the run up and hug me every time I enter the room!

This week has been full of tearful goodbyes. I didn’t realize how attached I had become to these amazing babies until I had to let them go.

As I stood in front of my 1^st grade class on Wednesday my chest pounded and tears stung my eyes when I realized it was the last time I would interact with them in the classroom setting. I took in their big brown eyes and smiles so full of joy. I stood there fearful that in the weeks to come I will no longer be able to picture those smiles. Afraid of forgetting the sound of their laughter or the way they run up and hug me while yelling, “Madame Tesia”.

As I say goodbye I am full of fear.

This morning at 7:30 as I sat in the worship service the tears once again began to flow. The joy in their dance and the pureness of their praise broke my heart. 

Madame Doris. Amazing woman I have come to Love.

How did I ever live without the unconditional love these children constantly offer me? How will I ever live without their hugs and kisses again?

I stood up in front of the entire student body and said goodbye, but not without tears and sadness.  I never want to forget these moments I have spent with the most precious people I have ever met.

  I’m only half way through my goodbyes. The hardest one to my precious Ageymang is coming Sunday. I have seen and loved on the kid every day since arriving. I can’t imagine my life without him and I’m not exactly sure how I will tell him goodbye.  

My prayer is that these will not be forever goodbyes.

I have to say I regret the days that I missed home so much I didn’t get out of bed and spend time with my babies. Those are moments passed, memories I will never get back.

Goodbye French Teacher. I will miss you ;)

These 5 months have been some of the hardest in my life, but following the call has made it so worth. I am convinced when I am back in the US I won’t remember the times I was bored, missed home, or was having a bad day. I will remember the hugs, kisses, movie nights, and love that these amazing people have shown me.

My heart will forever be in Ghana.

-Home is where the love is-

As my time here in Africa comes to an end all I can think about is going “home”. Often, after thinking about home I realize that I don’t actually have a “home” to go back to. Then I realize if home was a building or a house this would be true. One thing out, out of many, I have learned is that home is truly where you heart is.

The Word tells us, “Where your treasure is you heart will be there also” or something like that (Matthew 6:21).

 Being here away from the people I love has made me realize that my treasure is in those who have showed me love, even when I didn’t deserve. It hasn’t always been the “cuddle on the couch” love sometimes it has been love express through tears and hard words. But all along it has been love.

What I'm leaving :( <3

Then I realize that my treasure is also in the people I have come to love unconditionally. The kids I am hugging one minute and beating with a cane the next; the little boy who draws me a picture during the day, and pouts at night when he goes home; pastors, teachers, preachers that God has allowed me to meet and come to love.

So when I think about home I think about love. So where is home?

Is it here in the middle of West Africa? A place where there is never a guarantee of running water, power, or even a toilet. This place where no matter where I am I can always find a kid to show the love of Christ. This amazing little country with the most amazing people and the bumpiest red dirt roads I have ever witnessed. Is this my home?

Or

What I'm going home to :)

Is it in good ole Anderson County? The place where I was born and raised, a place where everybody knows and loves me even with all of my flaws. A place where I can curl up on a couch, watch tv, and never have to worry about giant bugs eating me. A tiny amazing place that barely shows up on a map but has the people I love most in the entire world and the best sweet tea I have ever drank. Is Anderson my home?

I find myself torn. Only 18 days until I leave the people I love to reunite with the people I love. When I got on the plane 4 ½ months ago I never knew it would be possible to love another place like I love Anderson.

I guess I have 2 homes now. Two places that no matter where I am in the world I will always yearn to be closer to the people who have taught me love.

In Ephesians it tell us, “And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ.”

Funny he has made it known, but it is still a mystery.

Living in the mystery is the hardest part for me, knowing God has a plan but not knowing what it is.

Being content, and knowing that no matter the situation he works all things out for good.

It is time for me to prepare to enter a new season in my life.

I am returning to the USA on August 9^th, 2012. I am very sure leaving my amazing Ghanaian friends will be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

As I travel back to America I have no idea what I am traveling back to. I don’t know where God wants me to be, but I am praying for him to reveal the “mysteries of his will” to me.  Two of my biggest prayer requests are housing and transportation (I sold my car before coming to the field) where ever he wants me.

Trusting His Word. Believing His promises. Waiting on His voice.

No greater love than this

Me and Joyce.

No greater love than this.

Last Friday we went to a Field Day that we helped put together in Homabenese, the village we visit often. It was an amazing day. We played soccer, taught a bible lesson, and even fed about 200 kids, but God had something in store for me I could never have planned for.

Two little girls attached themselves to me and I held them all day. One of the little girls’ names was Joyce and she was about 3 years old. She was absolutely beautiful and had cream on her face for a rash. She instantly melted my heart, and by 3 o’clock she was fast asleep in my arms.

The other little girl is about 2 years and didn’t speak enough English to tell me her name. She however was the opposite of quiet and shy Joyce. Every time I turned around she was taking someone’s shoe and laughing, or rolling in the grass entertaining herself. Her smile is so precious and when you hear her laugh you can’t help but laugh with her. When I got in the car to leave at the end of the day she had a tantrum and big tears rolling down her face as I slowly disappeared down the bumpy dirt road.

She was not simling.

I am forever changed by the 2 amazing people I got to have in my life, if only for a couple of hours. I witnessed joy that is in no way defined by materials and unconditional love and trust from such an untainted soul.

“At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me. There’s no greater love than this.”

The cost of obedience

This is from my journal on 6.11.12. It's not something I would normally share, but I feel it is so important for us to realize that just because it doesn't feel good, doesn't mean it isn't God. I have learned the things that my flesh hate are usually what is best for my spirit. I hope you enjoy.

There are times, like today, when my flesh needs a reminder of why I am here. When I say here it is relative to where ever the will of God has me at that point; today here just happens to be Ghana. At time I even find myself becoming jealous of those who haven’t learned obedience as God is teaching me. In the middle of this process, I start writing. Yep nothing fancy, not even a burning bush, just me getting my feeling out of this brain and on to a screen. And when I start writing God beings to flood me with all the wonderful things that have come from my obedience, and then I have to repent for being jealous of mediocrity.

See, what is all boils down to is this, “What am I willing to give up to live in his will?”

Sounds easy enough. Let me just say, “God I will give it all up.” So I can be “that” missionary who “wasted” her life for the Gospel. But to be completely honest it’s never really come easy and I’m so over giving stuff up. Whoa… Sorry I got a little real there.  But since I’m being honest let’s say that I’m tired of missing my family and I’m so done seeing people’s lives go on without me.

So, now what? How do I answer this question, “What am I willing to give up?”

Through the tears, pain, and sleepless nights my answer never waivers. I cry out, “Father, I am willing to give it all up.” My pain doesn’t change the honesty of this answer, if anything it enforces it.

 And just like my answer never waivers, neither does the call. No matter the amount of pain or tears I am called to be obedient, especially when it’s hard. I am called to be His beloved, no matter the cost.