The cost of obedience

This is from my journal on 6.11.12. It's not something I would normally share, but I feel it is so important for us to realize that just because it doesn't feel good, doesn't mean it isn't God. I have learned the things that my flesh hate are usually what is best for my spirit. I hope you enjoy.

There are times, like today, when my flesh needs a reminder of why I am here. When I say here it is relative to where ever the will of God has me at that point; today here just happens to be Ghana. At time I even find myself becoming jealous of those who haven’t learned obedience as God is teaching me. In the middle of this process, I start writing. Yep nothing fancy, not even a burning bush, just me getting my feeling out of this brain and on to a screen. And when I start writing God beings to flood me with all the wonderful things that have come from my obedience, and then I have to repent for being jealous of mediocrity.

See, what is all boils down to is this, “What am I willing to give up to live in his will?”

Sounds easy enough. Let me just say, “God I will give it all up.” So I can be “that” missionary who “wasted” her life for the Gospel. But to be completely honest it’s never really come easy and I’m so over giving stuff up. Whoa… Sorry I got a little real there.  But since I’m being honest let’s say that I’m tired of missing my family and I’m so done seeing people’s lives go on without me.

So, now what? How do I answer this question, “What am I willing to give up?”

Through the tears, pain, and sleepless nights my answer never waivers. I cry out, “Father, I am willing to give it all up.” My pain doesn’t change the honesty of this answer, if anything it enforces it.

 And just like my answer never waivers, neither does the call. No matter the amount of pain or tears I am called to be obedient, especially when it’s hard. I am called to be His beloved, no matter the cost.