No greater love than this

Me and Joyce.

No greater love than this.

Last Friday we went to a Field Day that we helped put together in Homabenese, the village we visit often. It was an amazing day. We played soccer, taught a bible lesson, and even fed about 200 kids, but God had something in store for me I could never have planned for.

Two little girls attached themselves to me and I held them all day. One of the little girls’ names was Joyce and she was about 3 years old. She was absolutely beautiful and had cream on her face for a rash. She instantly melted my heart, and by 3 o’clock she was fast asleep in my arms.

The other little girl is about 2 years and didn’t speak enough English to tell me her name. She however was the opposite of quiet and shy Joyce. Every time I turned around she was taking someone’s shoe and laughing, or rolling in the grass entertaining herself. Her smile is so precious and when you hear her laugh you can’t help but laugh with her. When I got in the car to leave at the end of the day she had a tantrum and big tears rolling down her face as I slowly disappeared down the bumpy dirt road.

She was not simling.

I am forever changed by the 2 amazing people I got to have in my life, if only for a couple of hours. I witnessed joy that is in no way defined by materials and unconditional love and trust from such an untainted soul.

“At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me. There’s no greater love than this.”

The cost of obedience

This is from my journal on 6.11.12. It's not something I would normally share, but I feel it is so important for us to realize that just because it doesn't feel good, doesn't mean it isn't God. I have learned the things that my flesh hate are usually what is best for my spirit. I hope you enjoy.

There are times, like today, when my flesh needs a reminder of why I am here. When I say here it is relative to where ever the will of God has me at that point; today here just happens to be Ghana. At time I even find myself becoming jealous of those who haven’t learned obedience as God is teaching me. In the middle of this process, I start writing. Yep nothing fancy, not even a burning bush, just me getting my feeling out of this brain and on to a screen. And when I start writing God beings to flood me with all the wonderful things that have come from my obedience, and then I have to repent for being jealous of mediocrity.

See, what is all boils down to is this, “What am I willing to give up to live in his will?”

Sounds easy enough. Let me just say, “God I will give it all up.” So I can be “that” missionary who “wasted” her life for the Gospel. But to be completely honest it’s never really come easy and I’m so over giving stuff up. Whoa… Sorry I got a little real there.  But since I’m being honest let’s say that I’m tired of missing my family and I’m so done seeing people’s lives go on without me.

So, now what? How do I answer this question, “What am I willing to give up?”

Through the tears, pain, and sleepless nights my answer never waivers. I cry out, “Father, I am willing to give it all up.” My pain doesn’t change the honesty of this answer, if anything it enforces it.

 And just like my answer never waivers, neither does the call. No matter the amount of pain or tears I am called to be obedient, especially when it’s hard. I am called to be His beloved, no matter the cost.

-A love I never want to live without -

Today marks 11 weeks, this makes me happy. It only took 11 weeks to fall in love with a country. About 3 weeks ago I was counting down; I was ready to go “home”. God was changing my heart. The fact that in about 2 months I will be on a plane back to America breaks my heart.

It is hard to imagine life the way I use to live it, without all my babies. Life without the smiles I see every day, from kids who have no reason to smile.

Being silly. Enjoying the night

I will be going back to people I love, but leaving the people I am put on this earth to love. To say they need me maybe true, but I need them, their smiles and kisses, so much more.

The things that I missed so much when I got here, food and materials, don’t matter so much anymore.

I have become completely dependent on my Creator. He knows what I need and supplies my needs according to His riches. I am afraid of going back to my “normal” life. I am scared of never feeling as close to God again as I have felt in the past 11 weeks. I am terrified of becoming dependent on flesh again.

No shoes means it's time for fun- or to catch worms lol

I am afraid of falling out of love, back into complacency. I never want to forget the smiles that form on the faces of kids when you tell them you love them. Seeing the tiny flip flops outside our house and knowing I’m going to get a giant hug as soon as I walk in. These things make life so worth it.

I am forever changed, and this is only the beginning. 

It took 11 weeks to fall into a love I never want to fall out of<3

All for giggles and grins :)

My Ajuman having dinner with us. I love that face!!

I sit here in my little room somewhere in Ghana. I hear the kids playing outside my window and smell dinner coming from the kitchen as Stephanie attempts to make something we haven’t eaten constantly in the past 2 ½ months. I’m hot and sweaty although I have already taken a shower and I would kill for some Doritos. No matter how much I desire to be alone, there is always someone or something demanding my attention. On any given day you can find the cutest 4 year old standing outside my window screaming, ”Tesia it’s me Ajuman. Tesia.”

Three days a week, when I go to assist at Mother Smith School, I hear a group of 2 and 3 year olds screaming Oburni Tesia as I walk towards them.  As I grade papers for hours sitting in a 1^st grade class room I constantly hear Madam Tesia please look at my work.

No matter where I am going there are the bumpy dirt roads and the constant beating of the sun. I cannot remember what it feels like to ride in a car and not pour sweat. There is always someone wanting to sell you something, or expecting them to give you something.

All these things are not complaints. I love my little room. I love the creative cooks me and Steph have become since arriving in Ghana. I love that I can hear kids who are happy to just have each other, and it’s hard for me to imagine my life with without that cute 4 year ever again.

 Those 2 and 3 year olds steal my heart every time I look into those big brown eyes and I love the fact the 1^st grade students giggle every time I tell them good job.

The fact that a God who is big enough to give these people everything they need but, allows me to be involved in their daily life amazes me. I cannot understand why he chose me. I often feel so completely inadequate, but God constantly reminds me that I am enough.

Those smiles turned my world upside down...or right side up.

To say I don’t miss the comforts of home would be a lie. I miss going out to a movie and grabbing dinner after. I miss calling up my best friends when I have had a bad day and pigging out on Ben and Jerry’s.

Although I return to the States in about 3 months I can’t imagine ever living the same again. I can’t imagine living in abundance and complaining that I don’t have enough. For way too long I said I believed in the Word of God but didn’t live as if I did. He tells us when we have abundance to give it to those who have nothing. 

I am changing. He is changing me. Through it all I am just looking to him for grace, the grace to be his beloved.